Welll I'm sure my parents woudl pitch in, but they would probably expect my hubby and I to pay ourselves.
that's why i just wanna go AWAY!

I can't say what "should" be done, it depends on everyone's situation. But I'm proud to say I paid for mine myself.

I WISH my boyfriend's family would pay, they are really really well off and my mom is a nurse and dad is a teacher which = middle class avg. family income with not much more to just throw around on a wedding, In fact I talked to mt mother about this and she said they would have to take out a loan but since my family is very traditional they won't let my boyfriend's parent pay for anything but the rehearsal dinner. Granted, my boyfriend and I are going to be paying for a good majority of the wedding when we decide to get engaged/married (he has his own business so it wouldn't be a finance issue) but If his family were the ones to pay I wouldn't argue

i think it's ridiculous to think that anyone other than the bride and groom pay for the wedding. If people offer to chip in or pay for certain parts, then that's fine, but to have it fall back on one family or even splitting it? Nonsense. My wedding will be paid by me and mine. If we can't afford it, then we WAIT until we can, that's the point of being mature enough to handle a marriage, finances, and the burden of paying for what you want. A monetary gift is one thing, but it's my choice to have the wedding so it'd be my obligation to pay for what I want.

I don't know how I feel about this one.
Our families are complicated.
My mom has more money than my dad, but I'm sure they will both want to contribuite. My BF's family, well, when they have money, they spend it, so not sure they will "save up", not to mention that he was married when he was younger, so they went thru it once, not sure they want to help pay for a second one.
We are probably going to have a pretty small, basic wedding though, whenever we do get married.

My parents are footing the bill for our wedding - but my fiance's parents are really struggling and in a completely different tax bracket than my parents. I'm hoping maybe his parents will pay for the rehearsal dinner... but we'll see...

I do think the bride and groom should pick up the majority of the bill so many people are waiting till they are older and established to get married that it makes sense. If the parents want to kick something in great. Plus to me it is harder to have a say when someone else is footing the bill sometimes I question what my Mom is thinking when she makes suggestions.

it really depends on the situation. i think that some people think that it's good to stick with the tradition, but others think that who ever can pay should pay..and then now sinec so many people are getting married later in life - it's like they pay for themselves.

it's complicated for me since my boyfriend has been married before - so i'm sure that i'd have to pay for this one, and he's already had the big wedding, so it's a double edged thing for me - cause i don't know if i want that - but since he's already been through it i don't think that he'd even want to go through that again.

I didn't realize it was still 1950. I guess I'm just not a tradition kind of girl!

my wedding was split between the two families. its a lot to ask of one family, and if both as comfortable with sharing then that is the best way. Obviously if the brides family wants to run the whole show, and doesn't want to share, then that is a different story... but there is no need, in this day in age, for one family to take on that responsibility.

I think the bride and groom should pay for the wedding. The tradition probably stems from when people would get married at a much younger age. I see more and more people getting married later in life when they've had plenty of time to establish a career and to save money.

We paid for our own wedding. My ethnic background has the groom's family paying for the wedding and his ethnic background has the bride's family paying for the wedding...but we still chose to pay for it ourselves. It also kept both sides of the family from pressuring us to do things a certain way. And everyone ended up giving us a monetary wedding gift.

No a days it's so much more flexible. I think if 2 people are coming together to get married, then both families should help financially. I never really understood the "tradition" of why the bride's family had to pay for everything. After all, it's the guy who proposed right?
My husband and I paid for most of our wedding, and both our families contributed as well. It's a family affair!

I'm with supercoolnat-I don't think there is a "should." I think it's about who is most able to pay for it. If someone (couple, bride's or groom's parents) has an abundance of money, of course I think they should help out. I know that my family (or my fiance's family) would do that. His family is slightly better off than mine, but neither has a lot of money, so I really don't expect either of them to pay for anything. His mom is going to try to pay for the rehersal dinner. We will be paying for almost everything, though.

It's definitely a touchy situation, because brides' families are often afraid that rejecting tradition makes them look cheap. But really it seems like the families, as well as the bride and groom, should split the bill.

When you read all the posts on Sugar recently on weddings it is amazing how much tradition has changed over the years.

My parents are giving us some money, his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, but we are paying for the bulk of the wedding ourselves. It is all girls in my family so there is no way my parents would be able to pay for all of our weddings, and I wouldn't feel right with them trying to.

50/50 - it's 2008, folks.

i'll be lucky if my family gives us wedding gifts...

We're doing things the traditional way: my parents are paying for my wedding, which is extremely generous, and my fiancee's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner.

I think it would be "fair" for the families to split it, especially since the guest list is half and half, but I don't think this tradition is dead yet.

I don't think anyone besides the couple should have any obligation to pay for the wedding. We were lucky because my generous parents basically gave us a large wedding gift. We could spend it however we wanted, keep what was leftover or cough up cash for overages. We were pretty frugal (e.g. my dress was from Nordstrom for $136) and managed to net $7k out of the deal which we put towards our downpayment.

My husband's parents did pay for and arrange the rehearsal dinner, and also gave us a substantial gift (also downpayment).

As far as my friends weddings, the groom and bride took care of most of the expenses, the families just helped with some stuff.

I think the couple should plan on paying themselves, and if parents want to help out than that's great. No one should be expected to pay (or put themselves in to debt with a loan!) other than the people getting married.

It truly is about the two individuals forming a union, and a small ceremony on a shoe string budget can be just as touching as a large ceremony and reception.

My fiance and I have a little bit of everything going on. Each of our families are chipping in but the lion's share is being paid for by my dad. I think it is sweet, he really wanted it to be this way and has always set aside money for this day. That said, I know I am very lucky and I think each situation is different.

I think its pretty RIDICULOUS that the brides family should be expected to pay for almost everything while and the grooms family pays nearly nothing. Its 2008...seriously, its pretty selfish to be in this old mentality.

We are splitting it 3 ways, b/w my parents, his parents, and us (each about 1/3 actually). Both sets of parents offered, which is very generous.

I don't think a couple should be having a wedding that is more lavish than what they can afford for themselves, at least I don't think either set of parents should be obligated to pay for more than that!

On the other hand, some weddings are family affairs though, you are welcoming another member to your family, so to honor that I can see how some parents would want to help out financially if they could. But it should be a gift, not an obligation!

And I can't even really comprehend why the bride's family and not the groom's would pay (based on tradition alone)....it's 2008 people!

I don't think a couple should be having a wedding that is more lavish than what they can afford for themselves, at least I don't think either set of parents should be obligated to pay for more than that!

On the other hand, some weddings are family affairs though, you are welcoming another member to your family, so to honor that I can see how some parents would want to help out financially if they could. But it should be a gift, not an obligation!

And I can't even really comprehend why the bride's family and not the groom's would pay (based on tradition alone)....it's 2008 people!

You and your fiancee are getting married not your parents. So why should they be expected to pay. This is such a stupid tradition. If you are old enough to get married you are old enough to pay for it. And if you cant afford it then wait until you can.

My parents have told me flat out that they aren't paying for my wedding, since they will be paying off my student loans for the rest of their lives! And it figures that I want a huge, lavish wedding! I guess I better start saving... :/

Who is getting married? They should pay.

I think that is a very personal choice. People keep saying how could you expect your parents to pay for it? or that if you can't afford to pay for it yourself you shouldn't be getting married. Well everyone is different and just because you're not in the most secure financial situation you shouldn't be allowed to wed or to have your loved ones help you out? Im not saying you should expect a grand ball, but even the cheapest wedding isn't cheap. While yes all that really matters is the bride and groom, for lots of families this is bringing someone into their family. It's a special experience and if they want to help that's fine. And I mean really, they say an average wedding is more than $20K. Who just has that lying around? obviously most people have to scrimp and save to put on this show. So if I don't have $20K lying around I'm not an adult and shouldn't be allowed to wed? lame

It's time for some equality in wedding spending. Do we really need a form of dowry in the 21st century?

There are five girls in my family... My dad has already footed the bill of one wedding. If I ever marry, I'd feel pretty guilty asking him to pay for my wedding. Frankly, I'd rather elope anyway.

My parents always said,"Don't come to us saying you want to get marriend until you have $10,000 saved up!" LOL!! They had all girls so--NO!!! The bride's family should not have to pay for the entire wedding...this is 2008! There would have been no way my parents could have afforded 4 weddings and they work VERY HARD. I think it's an accomplishment for a couple to pay for their own wedding (with some help of course) And, if your family is anything like mine, then you know you will plenty of helping hands!

I'm torn on this one. I do not believe it should be the bride's family who pays for everything. I think it should be a mix of the other three options. The bride and groom should pay for some and then maybe ask for some of their family to "sponsor" certain aspects of the wedding if they can (ie. buying the invitations, or the champagne, or the wedding favors). That way, no one group gets stuck with the whole bill.

I've been to a lot of weddings where the parents of the bride and groom invite more friends and business associates of theirs than the bride/groom invites of family and their friends. In that case I think it's fair for families to pitch in and help the couple pay for the wedding if the couple don't even know half the people they are paying to attend.

The bride and groom should pay for it themselves! Unless they have wealthy parents that want to pay for it. A $30,000 wedding is insane to ask your mom and dad to pay for unless they are very well off. You can still have a beautiful wedding without the huge price tag!

It's usually the woman who wants the big wedding right? Wouldn't most grooms be happy eloping?

I just can't see the groom's family paying 1/2 if the bride(zilla) was the one who wanted the expensive centerpieces/limo/favors/etc.

Sorry... I just think that weddings have become such a glorified money-sucking business. There are much better things a couple could spend money on than a big party. But, I guess, if you've got the money, spend it however you want.

while i certainly don't think the bride's family should HAVE to pay....i'm hoping my parents are willing to help us out!! we haven't gotten to the "hey mom and dad, what exactly are you willing to contribute" talk yet....we figure let the shock of us getting hitched die down just a touch...

"If you are old enough to get married then you are old enough to pay for it."

I think all the statements about how the responsible thing to do is for the bride and groom to pay for it are a bit blind-sighted. It's great for people who can wait until they are 30 and have savings and can have that wedding themselves. But for some of us, we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding for quite some time. It's going to take us years and years to pay off our giant medical school debt, and I'm not interested in having dated for 20 years (we've been together since I was 19) before we can afford to get married -- it's not practical, and I don't want to have a child out of wedlock, and we will be lucky to pay off our debt by the time we hit 40.

Sure, we could elope and have no ceremony, but I know neither of our parents would ever forgive us for not having a big traditional Jewish wedding with all our family and friends present, so while it's nice in theory to say you shouldn't get married until you pay for it, I'm not willing to sacrifice my relationship with my parents OR having children just to have a wedding, and I think it's absurd to expect someone to do just that.

here's an idea. the bride and groom pay for the wedding. at the end of 5 years the parents of the couple pay them 25% of the cost of the wedding. another 25% at 10, 15 and 20 years of marriage.

haha love it lickety split!

We'll probably split between us, his dad, his mom, and my parents. I think his dad would pay all of it right now if we'd just get married lol ... his dad and his mom are both so ready for us to get married. My parents want us to wait a while longer -- which we will ... lol

I think the couple getting married should pay. If parents decide to give money as a gift then fine, but parents would be fools to burden themselves with a loan to pay for their children's wedding. Also you should never assume that parents or in laws "have money". There are people who make millions a year and have so much debt that they really don't have a penny in the bank so never assume anyone's financial situation.

Renee....if people don't have $20k lying around, wouldn't it kind of make sense not to spend $20k on a one-day party? Just sayin'