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Handle This: He Wants to Try Anal Sex

Thu, 10/30/2008 - 12:00pm by DearSugar
4,032 Views - 130 comments

On occasion, your boyfriend has mentioned that he’s really enjoyed anal sex in the past and would like to try it with you. You've always felt hesitant about the idea, and naturally brushed off his requests. Lately, however, you’ve started feeling as if he’s pressuring you into it. One night when you’re fooling around, he pulls away from you and says that he’s bored with your sex life. He thinks it’s unfair that you haven't tried anal sex with him; it would really mean a lot to him if you just tried it; just once. How would you handle this?

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130 Comments Add a Comment

  • ksindustryexec's picture
    ksindustryexec
    2

    aha, yeeah right.
    I would say.. .Sorry 'Bro', not my style - there are other things we can do to make it interesting.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    3

    I find anal sex extremely horrible, I've tried it, no it didn't hurt one bit but i also didn't feel like it was the best thing ever! I am with you ksindustryexec

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    4

    I'd advise giving it a try, but don't ever feel obligated to go through with it or to do it again if you don't like it. And if you don't like it, he should know better than to pressure you again (if he does, then he's a tool).

    Alternately, if you don't even want to try it, tell him you only will if he allows you to shove something of equal size up HIS.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • yadiet's picture
    yadiet
    7

    tell him to fly a kite or ask him if he would let me do him by the back to see if he find any pleasure in it!! Anal Sex is wrong. You Anus has only one purpose not to place foreign objects in there. I understand guys love to experiment but come on now. My boyfriend is always asking the same things but I always tell him NO WAY

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    8

    You know this discussion about it being a one way system brings back memories of gender classes I took in college, I mean I'm pro queer theories and all that but I still find anal sex a bit..hum..strange. I understand gay men find it pleasurable which is absolutely fine (in fact it's more than fine, it's sooooooo okay) and some lesbians swear by licking that bit, I just don't know why us straight women find it scary?

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    9

    It HURTS! (At least for me.)

    I know of a couple of straight women who love it, though.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Deidre's picture
    Deidre
    10

    I definitely don't judge anyone who wants to do it, or who likes it. But I'm also not at all up for trying it -- the idea just really turns me off. So I would tell him that the prospect is completely unsexy to me, and that we can certainly try other things to change it up. Anal really is the only thing I wouldn't want to try.

    If he kept persisting, I'd tell him that we need to buy a strap-on, and he can be on the receiving end first.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    11

    A ha! now i know why we find it really ultra strange! It's because it doesn't get you pregnant as easy as virginal sex! It reinforces motherhood if you have virginal intercourse! There you are Smiling Well I'm glad I've figured that one Smiling And yes it can hurt Jude C you're correct. Though I must say i was lucky. I am not one for experimenting like that though Smiling I just find it uncomfortable.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Hiding55's picture
    Hiding55
    12

    I would say no way. I had a guy who wanted to try that with me since he had done it in the past and enjoyed it. He pestered me for a while then I was like FINE but it hurt like hell and I made him stop. I don't see where the pleasure would come from. I mean crap comes out of there. Gross.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    13

    I think too-easy access to porn has made guys feel more entitled to this than they should

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluestar's picture
    bluestar
    14

    It's not the act itself that would make me tell him to go f*ck himself, but the way he's approaching it. Telling me our sex life is boring and acting like a baby???? Go find some girl that's into dealing with that bullsh*t!!!!

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • kiwitwist's picture
    kiwitwist
    17

    I would say what Jude said "sure but I get to shove something up you first! and see how you like it."

    I also agree that it isn't the deed but the approach. I would also tell him to grow up and if it didn't like it, there's the door.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    19

    It would be amusing to tattoo "THIS IS NOT AN ENTRANCE" right above your crack, with an arrow pointing down.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    20

    Hiding55, I always wonder how stretched out those chicks must be there.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    21

    You know some men really love it! I've seen a documentary where there are workshops for this sort of stuff (in fact it was in where popsugar is based!) It's in the bay area where they gave workshops. I mean sexuality there is explosive. There are places you can go wild right? I've heard it all through people and gender classes. I think it's great! Well who am I to judge if some people or men love this sh*t!

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    22

    And speaking of porn, well..I find some of them revolting but i think that's feeling is shared by many women in this thread Smiling

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    23

    I still don't know if porn is empowering or disempowering to women? I guess it depends on your stand point? Hum..interesting though

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    24

    I think convincing arguments can be made for both sides.

    I find the double standard applied to porno chicks and non-professional-sex-actress women irritating, personally. It's like, if some girl takes on 4 dudes at once in a porno, that's hot to a lot of guys, but if they knew that girl in real life they'd probably judge her as a dirty slut.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • austerity's picture
    austerity
    25

    Major LOL@ the way JudeC's second comment followed up the first Laughing out loud

    Anyway, this is just not for me and I wouldn't try it. Sounds icky, not to mention how afraid I'd be that something dirty would happen down there. And if he's trying to be manipulative to get you to agree, he should indeed go fly a kite no matter what he's asking for.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • jazzytummy's picture
    jazzytummy
    26

    I agree with others that the way he is behaving about it, he is acting like a spoiled douche. Saying something about the sex being boring without it is just hurtful. This person is supposed to CARE about you, right?

    I think you need to look more at the underlying issue behind it....he wants what he wants, and doesn't care if he makes you feel badly about it. I think if you look hard enough, that selfishness will be apparent in other aspects of your relationship.

    The bottom line (no pun intended) is that it is your body and your choice.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • bluesteyes's picture
    bluesteyes
    27

    Good point Jude C, porn and feminism is still a strange one to me. On one hand the porn stars are happy (a lot of them are) and they get really good paid (always much better than men always), and on the other hand it's like what you're saying. Well..we're living in one big interesting world aren't we? And who would have though having anal sex would bring on this discussion! ha ha ha

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • allourregrets's picture
    allourregrets
    28

    Its not the act that I have a problem with. If I felt like he was trying to force me into doing something that I was not up for, I would probably take that to mean that he has very little respect for me and I would probably just get up leave. See how boring his sex life is then.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • CaterpillarGirl's picture
    CaterpillarGirl
    29

    Its "unfair" he is "bored" what tha? well then honey turn over and i will shove this nice corn cob straight up your chocolate whizzway and we will see how fair and excited you get with our sex life.

    I dont get some guys fascination with the hineyhole, to me its always been a matter of

    a) pain
    b)cleanliness and
    c)my flipping poo lives there......

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    30

    "I would probably take that to mean that he has very little respect for me and I would probably just get up leave."

    Agreed.

    Especially since he would be selfishly demanding something that has a high probability of being very painful for you.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • margokhal's picture
    margokhal
    32

    If you don't feel comfortable with anal, he shouldn't be trying to push you into it. If he starts withholding affection/sex because of it and sulking b/c he's not getting his way, it's time to let him go.

    It just seems like it hurts *bad*. I don't think I'd want to try it, either. @_@

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • partysugar's picture
    partysugar
    33

    Its like anchovies. If you've never tasted them, how do you know you won't like it?

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    34

    "Its like anchovies. If you've never tasted them, how do you know you won't like it?"

    By the smell Eye-wink

    I love anchovies, though.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • jazzytummy's picture
    jazzytummy
    36

    I've never had a cantaloupe shoved up my left nostril either, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • CaterpillarGirl's picture
    CaterpillarGirl
    39

    well (now that fish and anus's are being compared...ew) I would think it would be more like "you havent swallowed razorblades, how do you know you dont like them?" Anchovies arent going to make MY MOUTH BLEED!!!

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • lauraxtc's picture
    lauraxtc
    41

    I would try it maybe once.
    but I wont make it a habbit.
    I hate anal.

    its nasty and it hurts. blah!

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    42

    Anyway, what is it with guys and this compulsion to stick it into EVERY SINGLE ORIFICE POSSIBLE? I've never felt the need to use my vagina on every single thing that might fit.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • CaterpillarGirl's picture
    CaterpillarGirl
    43

    ahahahahhahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (breathe breathe!)ahhahahhahahhahahhahahh

    Jude...stop!

    I tell my hubby (who brings it up every once and awhile) "there is no spelunking in that cave"

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    45

    That's a good one!

    Tell him your poo lives there, and doesn't like being disturbed.

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment
  • Jude C's picture
    Jude C
    46

    "I mean its bad enough the noises that happen during normal sex....."

    OMFG

    Now I can't stop laughing!!

    10 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment